Detectorists Gone Wild: One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Trauma

WARNING!!! If you don't like crude photos don't read on!

"Dude… I Don’t Think This Is Treasure."

Okay, so picture this:

It’s a random Saturday, weather’s decent, and I’m out doing my thing with the metal detector in this small forest next to an old, sketchy-looking property. Like, the kind of place where you'd either find buried loot or an old toilet seat — no in between.

Anyway, I’m scanning the ground, just minding my business. Birds are chirping, trees are swaying, and my detector starts going off like, BEEP-BEEP-BEEP, in that “OH MY!, something good is here” kind of way.

I get hyped. Could be a coin. Maybe a ring. Maybe pirate gold. (A guy can dream, okay?)

So I start digging.

About six inches down… I see it. Something black. Kinda smooth. For a second I’m like, “Oh sick! Maybe it’s a bag of gold or one of those weird vintage Louis V bag or something.”

Spoiler:
It was not that.
It was NOT that at all.

Uhhh… What Is That?

So I pull it out (bad choice of words, I know), and realize… it’s a bag full of adult toys. Like, battery-powered. You know… that kind of treasure. Absolutely not something from the 1800s unless Victorians were way freakier than we thought.

It was in a really weird spot in a bush in the middle of nowhere (which somehow made it worse???). And they looked… pretty new. Except for the one I didn't notice 5 ft away with a giant bite mark out of it. Like someone had to come to this area and burryit into the dirt a few months ago and dipped.

At that point, I just stared at them, looked up at the trees like they were gonna help me, and straight-up whispered:

“WHO?… what happened here?”

Abort Mission

So now I’m sitting there, looking at these things of mystery in the middle of the forest, thinking:

Do I take it?
Do I rebury it?
Do I just throw my whole detector in the river and walk home?

In the end, I gently tucked it back into the hole like I was putting a cursed object back to sleep, marked the spot with a stick, and walked away like I just summoned a ghost or something.

Still not sure if I should’ve done a cleansing ritual or at least burned some sage.

What Did We Learn Today?

Metal detecting is wild, man. Sometimes you dig up coins or history.
Other times… you find someone’s deeply personal forest secret.

Lesson learned: Not every beep is gold.
Sometimes it’s silicone. And now you have to live with that.

Only I find this type of stuff! Like come on now!

Your Turn

Have you ever found something that made you stop and go “NOPE”?
Hit me up @windydigger — I want to hear your weirdest finds. Bonus points if they’re more awkward than mine.Keep diggin’… and maybe bring gloves.

Just in case.

~ The Windy Digger

P.S

Where My Mind Goes…

My mind always goes wild when I find something like this. Like seriously — who or what played out here? Was it a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend trying to erase the past? Someone getting rid of the evidence that they used to have a good time? Or maybe a parent passed away and the kids had to clean out the house... and then boom, they find that. I mean, what would possess someone to go out into the forest and bury it? Not toss it in the garbage, not donate it (please don’t), but actually walk into the woods with a shovel and dig a hole. That takes planning. That’s effort. It makes you wonder what was going through their head at the time. Maybe it was guilt, maybe embarrassment, or maybe just straight-up panic. Whatever the reason, they went out of their way — and now, years later, it gets found by some random metal detectorist and ends up on a blog... on the internet... for everyone to see. What a journey. What a legacy.
P.S.S. Can't forget the photos! ENJOY!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Comments

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